It is no secret that lateness is a curse which has hampered shoot days for generations. Errors such as forgetting to programme the satnav correctly, getting the wrong meeting time and over-doing it on the port it the night before regularly put a carefully planned day out of joint. And the result of this is a lessening of the amount of time on the peg for all.

Under new timekeeping rules, excuses like “Gerald has broken down on the B359, he’s got my 12 bore” or “I’m literally a mile away, I’ll be there in two minutes,” will fall on deaf ears. From next season, all shoots across the land will be required to abide by the following timetable; the first drive will start at 9.30am prompt; the second drive at 10.30am; elevenses will be taken at 11am (hence the name); lunch at 1pm; and the gunbus will be back on the move at 2pm prompt. Guns still in the lavatory, putting on wellies and coats, replenishing cartridge bags or having a crafy fag will need to run to catch up.

This will be a zero tolerance policy so if you are the only gun to arrive on time for the first drive you will be the only gun to shoot it – latecomers will just have to stand and watch. And further punishments for tardiness will include washing the dishes after lunch, taking the outer pegs on every drive and cleaning everyone’s gun at the end of the day.

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