All you need to know is that I went into Asda in Lincoln the other day to get reinforcement supplies of venison burgers after thinking about their succulent texture and glowing aftertaste for a whole week, only to find that some street urchin had swiped the lot just moments before.

I write this in a dark room waiting for the call from the general manager to inform me that they have had more burgers in.

Then, and only then will I emerge.