Politeness, as an art form, is much attacked nowadays: usually by those who feel unable to accept that no ulterior motive lurks behind genuine complements or sincere offers of assistance. In the shooting field, the art of choosing adjectives to describe one’s outing suffers from a different kind of attack – an inflation of the facts. The ‘authorities’ are aware of the potential for skewing the truth when shooting folk reminisce with friends or set a permanent reminder to history through the game book. It has therefore been decreed that the literal truth must be spoken and pompous embroidery be reserved for those who work in public relations. “Northumberland birds are stratospheric!” Does that mean astronauts on the International Space Station were also within range? “The claret was worthy of Rules!” So £4.99 bottles from Booze & Cigs are officially trailblazers now then? It is impossible to sweat gin and “untouchable” 4x4s wouldn’t last two minutes in Syria. Persistent offenders will be required to use a Thesaurus during conversations or face being exiled into special “silence” booths for the remainder of the day.

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*This blog is firmly tongue-in-cheek.