Courting an attractive woman (the glamourpuss) and inviting her shooting is not a crime. Few sights are more comical when you roll up than the reaction amongst the regulars with said glamourpuss; the beater dribbling into his tie, the shoot captain furiously tidying his hair while sucking on a mint before the introductions etc. Nevertheless, it will not do if this initial excitement at the presence of such a glamourpuss guest transforms into cold-shouldering and backbiting as the day progresses. The gun is borrowed, the wellies spotless and the shooting jacket tailored, but isn’t that just making an effort? The authorities therefore insist that everyone play nicely and realise that if we are truly welcoming to all comers we should prove it. Anyone found guilty of making snide comments about the glamourpuss will be required to dye their hair white-blonde (think Draco Malfoy) – and then be known as ‘glamourpuss’ for the rest of the season!

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