Should have asked the owner first. Scientific research has discovered that Labradors have a 'greedy' gene
Scientific research is a marvellous thing. I mean, who would’ve thought butter is not bad for us after all and two good gluts of red wine a day keeps the heart healthy and the arteries open. Amazing. But that’s not all: when it comes to keeping fit, walking is better than a gym workout, and blueberries (without cream of course) are the new super food.
Yep, no doubt about it, science comes up with all sorts of useful stuff every waking day.
Labradors are naturally greedy
Latest discovery is that Labradors have a gene that predisposes them to greed and gluttony. Oh really? Had the men in white bothered to ask anyone who works one of these adorable companions it could’ve saved them a load of time and money. Every Labrador owner knows that the breed is the canine equivalent of a pig, with a smell to match.
Strange things Labs eat
Scientists would’ve had a field day had our first Lab, Joe, still been around. This big fox red ginger nut of a dog polished off anything he could pinch, or scavenge. And it wasn’t just food. He once swallowed a big red ball of wool complete with 5in darning needle and another time he a discarded skipping rope. Nobody saw the rope disappear but in usual Labrador fashion it reappeared on a morning walk with dad.
For several moments the old man thought the dog was passing a worm to beat all tapeworms. He put one foot on the rope whereupon the dog walked another yard or so before coming to a very abrupt halt. And no wonder – still attached to the rope’s other end was the remains of the wood handle. Or more accurately, the threaded ball. Don’t ask how dad got it out, but it really made poor Joe’s eyes water.
The same dog polished off an entire week’s worth of baking one afternoon when mum’s back was turned. Two dozen buns, three trays of biscuits, one tray of sausage rolls and a massive Victoria sponge cake went down the hatch in next to no time. However it took four gaseous days to digest the feast.
But slug pellets are deadly
Mac, another trencher and thief of a Lab, once wolfed a full bag of Warfarin rat poison, and somehow survived. I just wish I could say the same about a pal’s doting black Labrador; she got her nose into a box of slug pellets and was found dead on the spot later that same afternoon.
Mac’s particular delicacy was putrefying rabbit in a liquid state. And another was fish, once pinching 10 fresh mackerel laid out on the kitchen draining board in readiness for gutting. Smell? We had to keep every window in the house open for a week to get rid of the stench.
Reassuringly my latest Lab, Sam, is in the same mould with a particular fondness for fruit – including avocado pears – and a variety of vegetables.
A dog’s heartbeat matches its owners
Very latest scientific revelation is that a dog’s heartbeat syncs with that of its owner, something which I find quite incredible.
The thing worrying me is the next discovery concerning dogs, and Labradors especially. Will they be blamed for greenhouse gases and the destruction of the ozone layer? Or will we be told to let them sleep with us as the ultimate act of bonding?
I love my Labs lots, but no way is the bedroom thing going to happen. Especially after 8lb of mackerel and a rotten rabbit as pudding.